Live the fab life

042 Say YES to the right things | Patti Villalobos

Learn to be honest with yourself as much as you possibly can and don’t run away from yourself because your shadow will just catch up with you
— Patti Villalobos -

Wise words from coach, course creator and teacher, Patti Villalobos who is passionate about enabling people to live better lives and reflects that this is ‘a journey worth taking’. We all wish for relationships that flourish however we can be at the people-pleasing or overtly controlling end of a spectrum and it’s tough to break entrenched patterns. This interview is a must-listen if you are ready to make a change for the better with boundaries both for your self and with others. Patti shares great analogies, stories and examples to bring clarity to the art of setting boundaries.

Inspire yourself with these essential insights from Patti Villalobos

We spoke about 

  • Starting over with a passion for helping people move forward

  • Recreating overwork and why being driven didn’t work

  • From an out of control and reactive life to better balance and self-care

  • Why we get caught up in the trap of saying yes when we mean no

  • Reframing healthy conflict by balancing the “see-saw”

  • Breaking the cycle of entrenched behaviour and patterns

  • The opportunity of creating new patterns in long term relationships

  • Building more honest relationships

  • Patti’s course ‘Set Boundaries like a Boss’

  • Embracing your shadow self to come to wholeness

Value Quotes 

“I’d love to say that it was a straight line.  That as I grew I became wiser and took better care of myself and that was just not the way it happened”

“I had not been feeling great but I got into the worst insomnia.  I mean at one point I was sleeping just one hour a night on Ambien. It was awful”

“Talk about a wake up call.  This was a wake up call from my soul to say ok what are you doing?”

“With the insomnia it brought a lot of anxiety and depression because of course when you are not sleeping everything is jacked up right”

“I realised fairly quickly it wasn’t a quick fix cause it wasn’t something I had got into overnight and so therefore it was all about balance and I wasn’t going to get into balance overnight”

“As long as I’m being pro-active in my self-care I feel the healthiest emotionally, mentally and spiritually than I’ve ever been”

“This has been really a thing about being clear about what my boundaries have to be. That’s been a core level learning for me. Boundaries with myself and boundaries of course with others.”

“Setting boundaries is part of being assertive and you don’t have to be mean or aggressive when you do it”

“Conflict is inevitable. You are going to have people who don’t agree with you just because they see the world different from you”

“Recognise you’re learning a skill and so don’t beat yourself up. Have grace when you don’t get it ‘right’ and practice is what makes it perfect, if there is such a thing”

“What you need to recognise is that you can’t change another’s behaviour.  What you can do, is you can change your approach and when you change your approach the interaction between the two of you is going to change”

“If you have a relationship with someone who is important to you and you start changing, that kind of freaks them out a little bit. They get afraid they’re going to lose you. They get afraid that it is reflecting back on them and that they need to change… so unconsciously they start ‘pulling at your ankles’”

“Your boundaries help you to keep moving towards your values and towards who you are wanting to be but hopefully you can do it without doing the ‘cut and run’”

“I like to look at boundaries as more than just saying no to things. Boundaries are also about saying yes to the right things”

“Learn to be honest with yourself as much as you possibly can and don’t run away from yourself because your shadow will just catch up with you”

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Until next time fabulous podcast listener, I’m Bev and I invite you to live the fab life with me now!

Patti Villalobos on Living Fabulously with Bev podcast
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Episode Links 

You can find Patti Villalobos at:



Brené Brown author of Rising Strong: