Live the fab life

conflict

042 Say YES to the right things | Patti Villalobos

Learn to be honest with yourself as much as you possibly can and don’t run away from yourself because your shadow will just catch up with you
— Patti Villalobos -

Wise words from coach, course creator and teacher, Patti Villalobos who is passionate about enabling people to live better lives and reflects that this is ‘a journey worth taking’. We all wish for relationships that flourish however we can be at the people-pleasing or overtly controlling end of a spectrum and it’s tough to break entrenched patterns. This interview is a must-listen if you are ready to make a change for the better with boundaries both for your self and with others. Patti shares great analogies, stories and examples to bring clarity to the art of setting boundaries.

Inspire yourself with these essential insights from Patti Villalobos

We spoke about 

  • Starting over with a passion for helping people move forward

  • Recreating overwork and why being driven didn’t work

  • From an out of control and reactive life to better balance and self-care

  • Why we get caught up in the trap of saying yes when we mean no

  • Reframing healthy conflict by balancing the “see-saw”

  • Breaking the cycle of entrenched behaviour and patterns

  • The opportunity of creating new patterns in long term relationships

  • Building more honest relationships

  • Patti’s course ‘Set Boundaries like a Boss’

  • Embracing your shadow self to come to wholeness

Value Quotes 

“I’d love to say that it was a straight line.  That as I grew I became wiser and took better care of myself and that was just not the way it happened”

“I had not been feeling great but I got into the worst insomnia.  I mean at one point I was sleeping just one hour a night on Ambien. It was awful”

“Talk about a wake up call.  This was a wake up call from my soul to say ok what are you doing?”

“With the insomnia it brought a lot of anxiety and depression because of course when you are not sleeping everything is jacked up right”

“I realised fairly quickly it wasn’t a quick fix cause it wasn’t something I had got into overnight and so therefore it was all about balance and I wasn’t going to get into balance overnight”

“As long as I’m being pro-active in my self-care I feel the healthiest emotionally, mentally and spiritually than I’ve ever been”

“This has been really a thing about being clear about what my boundaries have to be. That’s been a core level learning for me. Boundaries with myself and boundaries of course with others.”

“Setting boundaries is part of being assertive and you don’t have to be mean or aggressive when you do it”

“Conflict is inevitable. You are going to have people who don’t agree with you just because they see the world different from you”

“Recognise you’re learning a skill and so don’t beat yourself up. Have grace when you don’t get it ‘right’ and practice is what makes it perfect, if there is such a thing”

“What you need to recognise is that you can’t change another’s behaviour.  What you can do, is you can change your approach and when you change your approach the interaction between the two of you is going to change”

“If you have a relationship with someone who is important to you and you start changing, that kind of freaks them out a little bit. They get afraid they’re going to lose you. They get afraid that it is reflecting back on them and that they need to change… so unconsciously they start ‘pulling at your ankles’”

“Your boundaries help you to keep moving towards your values and towards who you are wanting to be but hopefully you can do it without doing the ‘cut and run’”

“I like to look at boundaries as more than just saying no to things. Boundaries are also about saying yes to the right things”

“Learn to be honest with yourself as much as you possibly can and don’t run away from yourself because your shadow will just catch up with you”

If you got value from this episode if you have not yet done so please Subscribe, Rate and Review on iTunes or Stitcher. You can follow the instructions here.  If you know someone else that would get value from this episode as well please share it with them.

Until next time fabulous podcast listener, I’m Bev and I invite you to live the fab life with me now!

Patti Villalobos on Living Fabulously with Bev podcast
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Patti Villalobos on Living Fabulously with Bev podcast Q2

Episode Links 

You can find Patti Villalobos at:

Website:  http://www.pattivillalobos.com/

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/PattiVillalobosCoaching/

Brené Brown author of Rising Strong:  http://brenebrown.com/books/

032 Step forward into what you really want | Elizabeth Williamson

It’s really important when you’re faced with a difficulty or a challenge that’s ongoing and sometimes feels insurmountable, that we give ourselves time for the difficult feelings
— Elizabeth Williamson -

Imagine as a result of an operation becoming completely immobile and having to learn to walk again?

Elizabeth’s story is inspirational and her spirit and quest to live the best life are both moving and truly motivational.  The humour and creativity that Elizabeth brings to her daily life is extraordinary and had me realise that it’s the lens we use on our situation that can change our outcomes.

This is an interview that will make you not want to settle for a second best life and step forward into what you really want to do in your life.

Inspire yourself with these essential insights from Elizabeth

Elizabeth Williamson

We spoke about

Elizabeth’s career as a counsellor and conflict resolution specialist

The life changing impact of an operation and the gruelling rehabilitation

Finding a way to be with the experience of grief

Focus on being the most positive person in the ward and gym

Neuroplasticity of the brain in the healing process

Bringing creativity and humour into the difficult experiences

Choosing your attitude for the day

The art of sadness and learning to create fun

Living with daily courage and humour

Love, support and generosity of friends

The passion to build a business courageously

Looking at fear differently

Compassion and self-care 

Value Quotes

“I have a real passion about creating a legacy for the future in our families and for our children”

“..creating workplaces where the inevitable conflicts and tensions are not avoided or escalated but seen as creative opportunities”

“If I had really understood what the progress would be post-surgery, I don’t think I would have managed”

“I thought re learning to walk was just like when there’s a tingle in your legs and they are numb in the morning and the feeling comes back, that’s what I thought would be happening for me”

“It took more courage than I could have understood at the time.  It took more humour than I could have understood at the time and more sadness, you know really having to understand grief and loss in a new way”

“It’s been a long slow journey back”

“I get the sensation of the nerves flowing through my body.  It’s an astounding experience”

“Determination needs lots of laughter, a little bit of competition and a little bit of anger”

“I joke now that I walk like I’m drunk when I’m sober. Well I walked back then like I was 4 or 5 or 17 sheets to the wind”

“We do have a choice about how we manage chronic pain but it is a daily choice and for people living with a disability or chronic pain it’s often a choice they have to make several times a day”

“It’s really important when you’re faced with a difficulty or a challenge that’s ongoing and sometimes feels insurmountable that we give ourselves time for the difficult feelings”

“I wasn’t going to settle for a second best life.  Whatever my physical possibilities were going to be I was going to live the very best life I could”

“There’s lots of value to be found in the difficult experiences”

“That decision to live a best life possible means just very small daily courage”

“One of the amazing outcomes for me is to understand so much more about compassion”

“We need to have rich, full lives which are full of the dark and the light”

“I have a joke that I start off with saying that I have a conflict with gravity and you’ll see me wobble as well as other conflicts we have in life”

“We have to live our lives being our very best friend”

“If I reach out and very simply make 5 or 10 people smile. My mood will be better and I’ll have raised my head, my eyes and my attitude and my emotions”  

If you got value from this episode if you have not yet done so please Subscribe, Rate and Review on iTunes or Stitcher. You can follow the instructions here.  If you know someone else that would get value from this episode as well please share it with them.

I have some really exciting news I want to share with you! I will be writing my book in the first quarter of next year. Woo hoo I was accepted on the 90 day book writing course with Kathy Miles Wheeler and will be supported by the fabulous Karen Gunton, she's a coach and author of the Lighthouse Revolution.

So in order to achieve my dream of writing a non-fiction book I will be moving to fortnightly shows in 2017.

I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for being such a fabulous listener and I wish you and your loved ones a safe and happy festive season.  May joy, peace and love be yours in abundance.

Until next time fabulous podcast listener, I’m Bev and I invite you to live the fab life with me now!  

Episode Links

You can find Elizabeth Williamson at:

Website: www.elizabethwilliamsonsolutions.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ElizabethWilliamsonSolutions/

Kathy Miles Wheeler: http://www.bookwritingmagazine.com/

Karen Gunton: http://www.karengunton.com

030 Knowing how to resolve conflict is good for you | Glyn Conlon

I like when I can say that I can move on now. I’ve dealt with it instead of distracting or going around the issue to revisit it later on
— Glyn Conlon -

We all know what it feels like to have a prickly conversation or not feel heard. Glyn Conlyn is a highly experienced coach and trainer who specialises in non-violent or compassionate communication.  She promotes communicating simply and easily to allow others to more clearly hear our communication.  Glyn works to build understanding in relationships between friends, couples, families, in the workplace and with partners in business. 

Inspire yourself with these essential insights from Glyn

Glyn Conlon

We spoke about 

  • The role of a certified non-violent communication trainer

  • The impact of conflict and not being heard from the playground to the workplace

  • Ideas on allowing for time to speak with truth

  • What compassionate vs violent communication are

  • The benefits of compassionate communication for self and others

  • Why knowing how to resolve conflict is good for you

  • Improving your overall ability to resolve disputes

  • The 4 step process Glyn teaches for compassionate communication

  • Your attention and intention in the moment

  • Getting oneself out of a downward spiral in 5 key steps

  • Glyn’s many tips for living fabulously

Value Quotes 

“I’m really careful about telling the truth with care which is different to out and out honesty.”

“What I’ve realised with compassionate communication is that you don’t need to have the quantity of time but you need to know how to access the quality of communication”

“You make a time to put effort into your relationship”

“Everyone is acting from trying to meet a need”

“Personal power, confidence and competence is within everyone’s reach”

“It allows to you understand yourself without judgement and to understand others without needing to agree”

“I like when I can say that I can move on now. I’ve dealt with it instead of distracting or going around the issue to revisit it later on”

“It’s amazing that it’s possible to correct what led to the problem in the first place and prevent future conflicts by doing this”

“If you have that intention to connect that’s really important”

“Surround yourself with others that listen deeply and are not morally judging your thoughts and actions”

If you got value from this episode if you have not yet done so please Subscribe, Rate and Review on iTunes or Stitcher. You can follow the instructions here.  If you know someone else that would get value from this episode as well please share it with them.

Until next time fabulous podcast listener, I’m Bev and I invite you to live the fab life with me now!

Episode Links 

You can find Glyn Conlon at:

Website: www.keystoneskills.com.au

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nvciskey/